Title: Discord and Despondency
Series: Wind & Rain – Chapter XVII
Author: Barb Marx
Email: bmarx@shaw.ca
Characters: Ezra/OFC
Universe: ATF
Archive: http://het_oasis.tripod.com/hot4het.html (adult pages)
Found on the Adult pages (Authors note: OFCs' first names changed in Web version)
Summary: There are days when you wish you never got out of bed…
Open fandom: Yes. And, if you wish to discover another side of the story, read TJ's 'Aftermath…' 'First, you stumble…' and 'Then you fall…'
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: The M7 characters are owned by Trilogy, MGM and Mirisch, No copyright infringement was intended. For sheer entertainment
Acknowledgement & Dedication: My thanks to TJ, who continually makes me think…
Discord & Despondency
"Run… got to get out of here," Delaney thought as she headed for the stairs.
Fear was a great motivator. She was guessing that there weren't too many people still alive who knew what a seriously pissed off Chris Larabee really looked like. Whatever possessed her to announce to the 'world' that Kate and Ezra had slept together? The only thing she could figure was that she had a death wish…
Adrian was in the lobby in no time.
Standing in front of the Federal building ignoring the looming clouds, the brunette tried to overlook what she had done and think about what to do next. The incessant ache in her head was all the incentive that Delaney needed to make her decision. Hailing a cab, she asked the driver to take her to the nearest bar.
Closing her eyes for the journey, she was surprised when the cabbie delivered her to the 'Saloon'. Despite her initial foreboding about this being Team Seven's 'place', she paid the driver and exited the car. Walking through the doors, Adrian was thankful for the dark atmosphere and headed directly for the bar at the back of the room.
If Inez was surprised to see the brunette, she didn't show it. Instead, the Latin lass welcomed her warmly. What did raise an eyebrow was Delaney's curt order for a Bloody Mary, "no celery salt, no Tabasco sauce… Oh, what the hell… hold the foliage!"
Adrian shuddered as she guzzled the drink, desperately trying not to taste it. The brunette prayed that the information she'd received from a friend was true. Rumour had it that whatever was in the vodka and tomato juice could stop a migraine cycle.
Fifteen minutes later, and a quick trip to the ladies room to hurl the 'cure', found Adrian deciding to chuck the Bloody Marys and just consume the vodka.
When Delaney flagged Ms. Recillos over from the other end of the bar, she requested a bottle of Stoly, and was shocked at the response.
"Absolutely not! There is no way I'm giving another Federal employee a entire bottle of alcohol!" Inez ranted as she walked away to serve another customer.
Staring after the bartender, Delaney wondered what she had said to provoke such a response. Shucking off the indignant response she wanted to give, Adrian waited patiently for the bar maiden to return. The pain in her brain was demanding to be silenced and asking for that bottle one more time seemed a reasonable solution. After all, what did being a Federal employee have to do with getting drunk?
A minute later, Inez listened to the brunette's request with fire in her eye. The resulting tantrum pierced Adrian's grey matter and brought a twitch to her hazel orbs. A captive audience, Delaney had no choice but to concentrate on the bartender's outburst, although, truthfully, she really didn't care to know the reason behind it.
"Oh, no… see, first, it was Kate Lansky, coming in last Friday at 11:30… In the morning, no less!" Recillos began. "She scared my lunch customers. They kept asking if I knew about the scowling woman sitting alone in that booth," she waved back in the direction of the farthest corner alcove. "Do you know she drank two full bottles of rye… by herself?" Inez put her hands on her hips. "By herself… rye! That's just disgusting," the barmaid expounded, her nose wrinkling in disgust as her arms flew in the air to accentuate her feelings.
The Canadian's brain pounded in time with Inez' tantrum. She wanted to tell the Latin American lady that she didn't give a damn about what Kate did, or didn't do, but instead, kept quiet. Adrian didn't think she'd be able to keep a civil tongue if she started in on the subject of Lansky. Instead, Delaney watched in awe as the Mexican woman's tirade continued. "Then it was Senor Ezra. He came in about four. Do you know what he did? Hmm? Well, he up and ordered a bottle of Jack Daniels," the saloon owner continued. "He never orders Jack... says it's uncivilized… and not only did he drink the whole thing, he did it straight! Barely even stopped to savour it like he does his Irish whiskey." Inez turns to pour a beer for one of the waitresses, all the while muttering Spanish expletives under her breath. "A whole bottle," she reiterated.
Somewhere in Adrian's pain-racked brain, the Mexican woman's continued emphasis on alcoholic consumption began to put her objections into perspective.
Delaney gave her head a slight shake, her mind whirling at the information she had just learned about her ex. She tried to process what she'd just heard, but her pounding head made comprehension difficult.
Turning back to Adrian, Inez continued to vent, "That woman… she made good and sure to finish her second bottle before joining Ezra. He was so angry when he first got here… I thought at first he was going to yell at Kate, but… well, he just continued to drink. They continued to drink," Inez stopped to wipe up an invisible stain on the bar's surface, then continued, "They even ordered another bottle of Jack," there was a pause. "Umm… suppose I should have called someone then!" she seemed disappointed in herself as she sighed heavily. "But at least they shared it. They were completely drunk, but they didn't seem so angry anymore… either of them, which is probably why I let them have it," she tried to reason. "They closed the place out, but as I said, at least they became happy drunks. I couldn't get them to leave. And when they were going to, I had to threaten them with calling the police. They were very obnoxious, you know, but I finally got them to give up their keys. I called a taxi and poured them in," she smiled. "I assume they made it home." The barmaid punctuated her tirade with arm gestures at the same time as pouring drinks.
As much as she desperately wanted to, the Canadian didn't have the energy to interrupt, so she cradled her head while leaning on the bar. Adrian had been informed of the fiery Latin lady's temper but this was the first time she'd come in contact with it. Listening, but not liking what she was hearing, she tried to block it out. She figured she'd analyze the information later when she wasn't seeing spots.
In the end, Adrian just nodded and, more than ever, desperately wished for another drink, yet, slowly realized that maybe coming to the saloon was a mistake. If she really wanted to get drunk, she should have just gone to the liquor store and bought a bottle.
Winding down, Inez finally took a good look at the other woman, realizing that she had taken her anger out on her. She felt contrite when she noticed Adrian's pale skin and slightly glazed eyes, "you aren't well," she said, stating the obvious, "you should be home, in bed."
Sighing, Delaney nodded in agreement. Seeing how she wasn't going to get another drink, she asked if Inez could call her a cab. With the way she was now feeling, all the Canadian wanted to do was lie down and get some rest.
Patting the brunette on the shoulder, the saloon owner made the call and then walked Adrian to the entrance several minutes later. "You will go straight home to bed, yes?" the barmaid asked as she held the door of the cab open.
"Of course," the Canadian murmured. Leaning back against the seat, she gave Inez a faint smile, but winced when Miss Recillos slammed the door closed.
"Where to, Ma'am?" the grizzled cabby asked.
About to rattle off Josiah's address, she hesitated, changing her mind at the last minute, "take me to the nearest motel."
Nodding, the taxi driver pulled out of the parking lot and moved into traffic, not questioning the well-dressed woman. He could tell she wasn't drunk, but was hurting, "you sure you don't want to go home?" He could never remain quiet with a lady in distress in his cab. His wife always said he was a modern day Robin Hood.
Glaring at the older gentleman, Adrian managed to curb her annoyance, "I'm sure," she replied, "besides, there's nothing there for me," she continued in a whisper.
The rest of the trip was made in silence, both driver and passenger lost in their own thoughts. Ten minutes later, the cab pulled into the parking lot of what could only be described as a 'seedy motel'.
"This here's the closest, but… you sure I can't take you some place better? No charge," the driver asked concerned. He hoped he could convince the lady to stay somewhere less… sordid.
Looking out the cab window, Adrian noted the clouds were considerably darker than an hour ago. She sighed, not wanting to get caught in the pending downpour. "Are the beds clean?" she asked.
"Yes, ma'am… that's about it though," the man confirmed with a grudging nod.
"Then I'll stay. Just want to try and sleep," the hurting woman answered as she paid the cabby. Slipping out of the taxi, Delaney hurried, trying to avoid the rain that was starting. Once in the lobby, she presented her credit card and paid for a room.
A few minutes later she was shutting her door. Adrian leaned against the smooth surface and surveyed the dingy room. 'Nothing fancy' but she noted that the bed was indeed clean, though the furnishings had seen better days.
Adrian made sure to dim the lights as the glow from the lamps was stabbing her in the brain. Try as she might, Delaney couldn't prevent the flash of lightening from illuminating the room. Every time the lightening hit, she groaned.
Lamenting the fact that she hadn't stopped for toiletries or a change of clothes, she stripped down to her underwear and crawled into bed. The events of the day kept hounding her. Adrian wanted it all to go away. The migraine prevented the brunette from falling into a deep sleep, but she hoped she would be able to doze on and off throughout the night.
An hour into her restless slumber, Delaney woke up in a cold sweat, the traces of a nightmare thrumming over her senses. Rubbing her arm as if to ease an aching bruise, Adrian shuddered when she realized what she was doing. The vision of Luke's face as he gripped her bicep painfully flashed before her eyes, and she gasped. The brunette wrapped her arms around herself and curled up on her side, all the while attempting to force long-ago memories back into their, until now, 'previously locked' compartment of her brain.
Distressed at the recollections, Adrian begrudgingly acknowledged that she was going to have to face new fears and haunting memories in order to be protected from them all. 'Why is the exorcising of demons so hard?' she asked herself. This was all too much… the events of the last week, the stress, her damnable migraines… trusting again, and being betrayed, yet again. Old memories, long locked away in their own little world, were now smugly mingled with new, strikingly similar accounts of her life-gone-wrong. All the hurtful and abusive words flooded her consciousness until she was curled into a fetal ball, burying her head in the crook of her arms.
Desperately attempting to blank her mind, Adrian eventually did manage to calm down enough to once again attempt to sleep. Gradually, the sorrowful woman closed her eyes and drifted off.
She'd been asleep for maybe fifteen minutes when a loud 'thump' punctuated the air. Instantly wide-awake, Adrian sat up, her heart beating rapidly as she gasps for air. "No!" she yelled as her arms raised in a defensive position. Looking around the room, she realized where she was… and that she was safe. Sitting stock still, the brunette took several deep breaths, calming her heart and trying to figure out what woke her.
THUMP!
There it was again…
THUMP!
Soon the noise was continuing in a loud rhythm against the adjoining wall behind her bed.
Groaning, she fell back, "oh, great… just what I need," she muttered, stifling a nervous giggle, oddly relieved and grateful that her scream didn't interrupt…
Soon the thumps were joined by groans, whimpers and the odd 'Oh, yes baby!'
Terribly embarrassed at what she was overhearing, Adrian wished she could beat her aching head against a wall… anything to knock herself out. Delaney finally rolled over, and dragged a pillow over her head.
Finally, the 'action' next door crescendoed with a rousing, 'I'M COMING!' along with a roar.
A minute of silence had Adrian removing the pillow. Slowly getting up to retrieve a glass of water, the brunette returned from the bathroom and, cocking her head, saluted the wall. "At least someone enjoyed themselves."
Crawling back into bed, it took some time before she again succumbed to the siren call of sleep.
~~~7~~~
Thursday was a write off for the brunette. Once again startled at waking in a strange bed, it took Adrian a few seconds to remember where she was, and more importantly, why she was there.
Physically, Delaney was better. Through some miracle, the migraine had receded leaving a normal, though painful headache in its wake. Emotionally, the Canadian was a wreck. All she wanted to do was crawl into a hole and lick her wounds.
Deciding to take Travis up on his offer, Adrian called in to work, sick. Thankfully, she reached only Orin's voice mail and left a terse message for her boss, informing him of her condition. She made another quick call to the admin office and requested that Debbie send a temp up to the AD's office as soon as possible. That taken care of, the hazel-eyed woman took a quick shower, dressed in yesterday's clothes and went to return the room key.
During the bus ride home, Adrian's mind wandered, dredging up the events of the day before.
The one scene that flashed over and over again was Ms. Recillos' tirade about what had occurred the previous Friday.
As much as she didn't want to, Delaney started to process the information.
'What the hell was he thinking?' the brunette wondered. 'How could he guzzle two bottles of booze?' She knew that Ezra didn't drink much. He claimed that he didn't want to lose control. That it would only cause problems in the end. "Well, it sure as hell did," she muttered. He had mentioned a 'step father' that was an alcoholic. The man had made a lasting impression on Standish. Ezra had even confided to Adrian that he never wanted become like that. While the southerner enjoyed a drink or two when out with his friends, he never got drunk. Wine with dinner was a must. That was only 'civilized'. Hearing from Inez that he'd consumed two bottles of whiskey was a bit of a shock.
Filing that data away, Adrian then focused on the second piece of the puzzle. Once again Inez had been a font of information. Kate had been at the saloon already, drinking even more heavily than Standish. This led the brunette to even more questions, 'Why was she there? What caused her to drink so much as well?' Delaney had formed the impression that Lansky was too controlled to let herself become drunk. Now the brunette had to re-evaluate that preconceived idea, too.
There were just too many things unanswered. But what bugged her more were the questions about means and motives. 'Was, what she had inadvertently witnessed, an accident? Or was it preconceived… all part of a plan? How long had the deception been going on? Were the two of them having an affair for a while now and were they still trying to keep it hidden from their coworkers and lovers?'
Adrian wasn't ready to accept that thought. That would mean that everything she'd thought and believed about Ezra was a lie…
But that was better than the next idea that was running through her muddled brain.
For if it wasn't Ezra's fault… that it truly was an accident… then Delaney was faced with the possibility that she caused the 'accident'… that, by walking out on Standish, she had caused him to seek greener pastures…
And that she wasn't worth fighting for…
After all, Ezra hadn't spoken to her since that terrible night.
He hadn't attempted to make up.
She just wasn't worth the effort…
Voices from the past echoed in her mind again. Beliefs long thought vanquished seeped through protective walls. The insecure, emotionally battered woman that she had thought withered and died, was now knocking at that invisible barrier. Reminding Delaney, that while she could run, she just couldn't hide from the truth.
Angry and confused, Adrian wondered if she had the strength to figure out this apparent mystery? Should she even care? There was nothing any more between Ezra and herself. The relationship was over, and she should just grow up and get over it. He didn't love her and she most certainly didn't love him… she couldn't! She wasn't going to let herself be sucked into another destructive relationship. Hadn't she learned her lesson?
Depressed, Adrian alighted from the bus and slowly walked the three blocks to Josiah's residence. She was infinitely grateful to find her landlord and friend, not home. Unlocking the front door, the brunette made her way downstairs to her suite. She smiled when she saw a note tacked to her door.
Written in Josiah's strong script, the worry the ex-preacher felt was evident.
Adrian, please call when you get home.
I just need to know that you're all right.
Love Josiah.
Sighing, Delaney took down the note and walked into her apartment. She had just hung up her jacket when the phone rang. Knowing, without a doubt, that it would be Sanchez, Adrian wanted to ignore it, but the sooner she dealt with him, the sooner she'd be left alone.
Shaking her head, the brunette picked up the receiver, "Hello?"
Wincing at the voice on the other end, the hazel-eyed woman tried to keep the conversation brief.
"I'm fine, Josiah."
"Yes that's right… a migraine."
"No! I don't need Nathan… really, I'll be fine."
"Last night?"
"Oh… I umm… I stayed at a motel."
"It was… ok. It was clean."
"YES, I WAS ALONE!" she growled.
"I'm sorry, I'm… just tired, Josiah. I'm just going to bed."
"Eat? Fine… Yes, I'll fix something."
"Ok, I'll see you tomorrow."
"Yes… right… You have a good day, too."
"Bye."
Sighing, Adrian hung up the phone and rubbed her temple. Standing in her empty living room, Delaney suddenly felt lost and alone. She felt like she'd been battered in the waves of a gale force storm and was drowning. How could life be so complicated?
No answer in sight, the brunette sighed heavily and shuffled into the kitchen to fix some toast. Forcing it down, she then went to the bathroom and retrieved her meds. While her migraine had gone away, it was still the strongest drug she had. It couldn't do any harm to take it to combat her headache.
Crawling into bed, emotionally numb, Delaney sent off a brief prayer to whoever might be listening. Hopefully, tomorrow would be a better day…
TBC
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